Should I just give up? Why am I trying?

[No name]

My first post here, so hi!

So, I’m just 14 (June), going into Year 10 and I’ve been doing ballet since September 2022(12), but the training at my first school wasn’t great, and I’ve been going to better classes for about a year. I’m only in grade 4 right now, going to do my exam either in November or a filmed exam in January, my teacher will decide after summer holidays, and I’ll be starting pointe just in the next few months (note, I’m hypermobile, so I need more strength for pointework).

I have an almost good physique for ballet but I’m too fat which I’m WORKING ON.

I always wanted to become a professional- should I bother trying or just give up even though it’s my passion? I won’t be accepted anywhere at 16, will I? I’ll only be at Intermediate/Advanced foundation (my teacher is trying to get me through the levels  quickly, but I have to work really hard to be ready, and there’s only so quickly) by then, and who knows if I’ll still be fat.

What are alternatives careers for those who aren’t good enough for ballet?

It just saddens me to know that I only get one chance to live and I’ll never be happy, my life is basically over I suppose.

Edited August 11 by Papaja

[HopelessMummy]

Hi Palaja

Welcome to Balletcoforum and well done for taking the first step to reach out.

First, never put yourself down. You're young and you have the whole world ahead of you. Your life is not over.

Second, there are tonnes of careers you can get into but not because you're 'not good enough for ballet' but because there are lots of options out there.

Third, stop calling yourself fat. There are a lot of different shapes in ballet. Ok, maybe not so much at the Royal or BRB but take a look at New Adventures.

 

You have time. Not a lot to compete with others who have been dancing since aged 2, admittedly but you have hard work and determination. It's the summer hols now. Take this opportunity to strengthen your feet ready for pointe. See if your teacher has any availability for some extra lessons over the summer. Some dance schools are running intensives. Try to get yourself into a couple if you can. I don't know if money is an issue but there are lots of resources online. Re. Exams, you can always take more than one in one session and maybe have a chat with your teacher about skipping grade 4 and going onto five and intermediate foundation. Your teacher will tell you if that's a good idea or not. In the meantime, strengthen your core and feet, get your stamina up.

 

Also, at the end of the day, it's not the end of the world if you don't get your ideal career. One door closes and another door opens. Chin up and good luck. Help will always be given at Hogwarts, or balletcoforum, to those who ask for it. Sending much positivity 

Edited August 11 by HopelessMummy
Added a welcome! 🤗

[No name]

8 minutes ago, HopelessMummy said:

Hi Palaja

Welcome to Balletcoforum and well done for taking the first step to reach out.

First, never put yourself down. You're young and you have the whole world ahead of you. Your life is not over.

Second, there are tonnes of careers you can get into but not because you're 'not good enough for ballet' but because there are lots of options out there.

Third, stop calling yourself fat. There are a lot of different shapes in ballet. Ok, maybe not so much at the Royal or BRB but take a look at New Adventures.

 

You have time. Not a lot to compete with others who have been dancing since aged 2, admittedly but you have hard work and determination. It's the summer hols now. Take this opportunity to strengthen your feet ready for pointe. See if your teacher has any availability for some extra lessons over the summer. Some dance schools are running intensives. Try to get yourself into a couple if you can. I don't know if money is an issue but there are lots of resources online. Re. Exams, you can always take more than one in one session and maybe have a chat with your teacher about skipping grade 4 and going onto five and intermediate foundation. Your teacher will tell you if that's a good idea or not. In the meantime, strengthen your core and feet, get your stamina up.

 

Also, at the end of the day, it's not the end of the world if you don't get your ideal career. One door closes and another door opens. Chin up and good luck. Help will always be given at Hogwarts, or balletcoforum, to those who ask for it. Sending much positivity 

Thank you, your reply is helpful

[HopelessMummy]

https://www.balletboost.com/back-to-ballet-workshop

 

They do this for three days if you can get to London and afford the cost. I hear it's quite good.

 

Also, the Royal has vids online that you can buy access to.

 

You can check out Sander's website too. He has ballet on demand online so you can do this too?

 

Again, best of luck 

[Jan McNulty]

Hello @Papaja and welcome to the Forum.

 

We ask that members who are under 16 seek permission from their parents/guardians to post.

[No name]

32 minutes ago, Jan McNulty said:

Hello @Papaja and welcome to the Forum.

 

We ask that members who are under 16 seek permission from their parents/guardians to post.

I know, I looked at all of the rules and i asked them, don’t worry

[LinMM]

I think that in the early to late teens everything can seem very black and white so it’s sort of all or nothing in Life. 
But you are SO young so of course it’s not all over for you! 
You can keep working on your dance if it’s your passion and see what happens. Even if you do not end up as a Professional dancer there’s no reason to stop dancing and something else will turn up career wise down the line that you may not have envisaged as yet …..I’m sure you have other talents too!! 
I know that all or nothing feeling …when I was 15 and still hoping for a ballet career and then I had to make a decision ( because of time constraints with all the academic work from school)  about going for a more academic career or keeping up ballet four times a week ….I went for the former and gave up all the dance almost overnight much to the rage and perplexion of my dance teacher (there were three of us who had had a considerable amount of extra input from this teacher at the time) She had been thinking of Rambert auditions the following year as she had a connection etc and just couldn't  understand why I could just suddenly give everything up like that after being so keen!!!  But that’s how I saw it then! All or nothing!! 
Seven years later and then in a different career I took up ballet again and have since enjoyed taking part in many Amateur performances over the years and although absolutely ancient now still enjoy going to ballet classes. 
Just enjoy your passion and see how far it takes you and remember the old  saying attributed to John Lennon( one of the Beatles!) :   “ Life is what happens to you whilst you are busy making other plans!” 
 

 

 

[Neverdancedjustamum]

5 hours ago, Papaja said:

My first post here, so hi!

So, I’m just 14 (June), going into Year 10 and I’ve been doing ballet since September 2022(12), but the training at my first school wasn’t great, and I’ve been going to better classes for about a year. I’m only in grade 4 right now, going to do my exam either in November or a filmed exam in January, my teacher will decide after summer holidays, and I’ll be starting pointe just in the next few months (note, I’m hypermobile, so I need more strength for pointework).

I have an almost good physique for ballet but I’m too fat which I’m WORKING ON.

I always wanted to become a professional- should I bother trying or just give up even though it’s my passion? I won’t be accepted anywhere at 16, will I? I’ll only be at Intermediate/Advanced foundation (my teacher is trying to get me through the levels  quickly, but I have to work really hard to be ready, and there’s only so quickly) by then, and who knows if I’ll still be fat.

What are alternatives careers for those who aren’t good enough for ballet?

It just saddens me to know that I only get one chance to live and I’ll never be happy, my life is basically over I suppose.

Hi @Papaja, if dancing is your passion then it should be giving you joy and a drive to reach your goals in a sensible manner. I always thinks it’s a mindset and I know you mentioned that you’ve always wanted to be a professional but working towards your goals will involve hardwork and determination but most importantly there should also be happiness and fulfilment in it, and it’s also important to be realistic. Be proud of what you’ve achieved so far and don’t think you’re not as good as others because you started relatively late or perceive your physique as less than ideal. Great dancers come in all shapes and sizes, and yes, classical ballet can be harsh and demand a certain aesthetic and physique but don’t let this stop you. My kids, both teenagers, never ever used the word “fat” at home (and I’d like to think outside of home too) as I’ve made sure they appreciate everyone whatever size, colour etc they are. My daughter, similar age to you, has always had a more athletic (some would say bigger) body than the usual classical ballet physique but she has always been proud of this as she is extremely strong and has never had any injury and rarely feels any pain or niggles. Even young dancers with the textbook classical physique don’t always reach their goals, even despite the best training, as the reality is that there isn’t a lot of jobs out there. What’s important is that you do what you do if it makes you happy, the moment it stops making you happy and makes you feel more upset and down about yourself , you need to re-think if it’s good for you. The ballet world isn’t kind, you will get lots of rejections along the way, whether it be auditions or applications for intensives and associates etc. you have to be ready for this, you can be sad for a bit but be ready to pick yourself back up and fight another day. My DD has received so many no’s for various sorts of things over the years that it doesn’t bother her anymore in the slightest, and treats yes’s as a bonus. Find happiness in a lot of things, I’m sure you have a lot going for you. In addition to dance, there’s perhaps school, time with family and friends, other activities such as sports. As you said, you only have once chance to live, I’d say go out there and do the things that give you joy! My DD has stopped attending prestigious ballet classes the moment it didn’t give her fulfilment, people thought she was nuts, but she would rather spend her time doing things that make her happy. 

[glowlight]

It sounds as if you have made tremendous progress in the (less than) two years since you started ballet, so well done for that. It also sounds as if you have a knowledgeable and sensible teacher to support you. Be guided by your teacher, but also make sure she knows your ambitions.

 

If the professional ballet dancer dream doesn't work out for you, there are many other options open to you in dance which allow you to start full time training a bit later. You might consider contemporary dance, or jazz or musical theatre. There are plenty of professional schools and colleges which take students at 18/19, and you will need strong ballet to get into these courses. 

 

As others have said, please don't consider yourself fat. Bodies change very much in teenage years. Be very careful on how you 'work on' that because you need lots of fuel for your ballet training. I suggest you speak to your parents about this, and work out a healthy diet which will still give you the energy you need for your training.

[Ruby Foo]

Sounds like you're doing quite nicely and moving forwards and upwards!

I would suggest adding to your program if you can. Could you approach your teacher to ask for more lessons during the week? Training can be incredibly  expensive so I'm not sure if you and your family have financial resources to fund more classes? But if they can and they fully support you, then do what you can and what is reasonable. You don't want to move up so fast you miss the basic grounding so just find a balance of learning and pushing forward enough. You may want to consider some workshops and holidays lessons with different teachers and students. There's plenty of advice on this forum to help you choose one your level in an area close to you.
Like others have said, it's important to have balance in your life and to do things that make you happy. Fixation on a ballet career that may never happen may make you miss out on the joys of 'today' and experimenting with other activities that could ultimately bring you more happiness in the long term. What I've learned is that there's a lot to experience and enjoy in life and very little is straightforward. So even though Ballet may be a passion of yours now and even throughout your life, you will be moved by many other passions too and will want to fully explore them. It makes life rich and multi dimensional and exciting! So try not to put all your eggs in one basket.

Contemporary schools tend to prefer more mature students who have a strong background in Ballet ( not always) and so maybe research some of these as you go along and see what alternatives are out there.

An open mind and positive attitude will be important whichever roads you go down. Your body is a wonderful resource. It enables you to do the day to day activities that make you live and survive. It's truly a miracle machine and we are truly blessed if we are well and healthy. If you think of your body in this way you will see how wonderful it is. Any social stereotype or beliefs that it should be different are just that! Ideas that our society like us to believe. If you want to help your body be more productive and powerful for Ballet or sport ( or walking the dog/ running for the bus) then why not see if you can find a gym that takes your age group and do a little strength training with weights. You should never do anything without having been first supervised and instructed by a professional. Just a little regular weight practice can build strength and and stamina but remember to stretch out afterwards. Check with your teacher that she gives you permission. 

 

Reading your post made me feel very optimistic and excited for you! You have your whole life in front of you so get to it and have a lot a lot of fun!

 

 

[taxi4ballet]

If finances are not an issue, it can be helpful to do two different grade classes a week - the one you are currently studying, and the one above as well. Not only does it introduce you to the steps in the higher grade, it also improves your strength and stamina ready for more challenging work such as going on pointe. If your dance school offers a non-syllabus or free work class, then that would be good too.

[invisiblecircus]

It is difficult but not impossible to become a professional dancer when you start at a later age. I started at 14 and went on to study at a top ballet school. 
It is essential that you get the right training though. Is your current ballet teacher aware of your ambitions? You need to get in as many hours of quality training as you can and work at home as well.

You say you have an almost good physique for ballet but you're too fat. What do you mean by that? Has someone commented on your weight or is it just what you think? 

We don't know your level or your potential from your post, but on age alone,  I don't think it's impossible for you to get an upper school place at 16 or 18. Very few get contracts in classical companies upon graduation, but there are very many other careers open to you in the field of dance and it is entirely realistic to think you can work in the field, be that as a dancer in a contemporary company, in musicals, on cruise ships, a choreographer, teacher, or behind the scenes as a theatre technician, costume maker, pointe shoe fitter and many other possibilities! 

[littledancer99]

See if there is a ballet boost associates near you! They are very good and offer contemporary as well as ballet. Most ballet companies do contemporary too. So definitely include that in your training 

My daughter is hyper mobile and we had one session with a physio who could advice us on which areas where weak and needed strengthening. If your family can afford that or if they know any physio please try and see one. Pilates is helpful too

the more ballet hours, contemporary, strength and conditioning 👍🏻 

Good luck and keep positive ! You’ve got this 👍🏻